The Zen of Teen
by Julie Tallard Johnson
The three of us were waiting for the light to change. Next to
me was a young male teen, with one foot off the curb, and his mother,
who stood facing him as he looked out onto the passing traffic.
For a few moments, I found myself in their inner circle. He stood
quite a bit taller than his mother, and his pants flared out from
his heels, looking like slumped boat sails. His tattooed and pierced
navel showed above his jeans. He talked down, into his belly, "You're
ripping on me, Mom." She was intent on looking at him, bewildered
but determined, "I'm not, I'm not, you're just not listening
to me. You've got to give it a chance." And then the light
changed and the two of them headed down the sidewalk; the mother
following just behind the young man, looking frustrated and slightly
embarrassed.
How can such tension between mother and child be exactly what our
culture needs? How can The Zen of Teen help us heal this hurting
planet? My understanding of Zen is that it emphasizes direct experience,
becoming one with our experiences rather than separating ourselves
out. In Zen, we are not the dancer but the dance. So, to experience
the Zen of Teen means to open up to the creative tension within
ourselves as well as to the teens we encounter. It is realizing
and experiencing teens as not truly outside of ourselves, but understanding
them as part of us, and part of the greater community. We cease
our pushing and pulling against this intensity, and live in the
uncomfortable zone of allowing ourselves to truly be with this vital
energy. Then, positive movement and change can take place, inside
and outside ourselves. Within this tension between mother and son
breathes the Tao, the Tathata, the Brahman whatever term you use
for the Divine, for the invisible, unifying principle that has within
it the innate ability to bring everything together. This tension
between that which is coming in (the youth) and that which is leaving
(the adult), is the Zen of Teen.
Instead of being so set on conforming our teenagers to the rules
set out by the various institutions, we need to live with this tension
between the new and the old. Teens are the breath of fresh air,
the Tao we need to open up to in each moment, and the freshness
we need to bring into our lives so it can carry us into the coming
decade. I can easily remember being a teen, and this remembering
can help. My pants, too, were bell bottoms, but they hung tightly
to my body. I remember when adults pushed against my teen energy,
I pushed back. Once, sitting in the Headmaster's office (just his
title alone turned me off), I was being disciplined for speaking
back to a teacher. He took up an hour, talking at me and attempting
to shame me out of my behavior.
All I could see and hear was how he hated teenagers and that he
was in the wrong job. When I told him so, he sent me home for three
days. He told me that it was not my place to speak up to him or
any of the other teachers. I couldn't survive, let alone thrive
in such an environment. Even today, I still believe I saw too easily
through the lies and misconduct of the system, and they saw me as
a troubled youth, a "delinquent."
Much like my story, most teens today naturally resist the systems
and institutions that were formed by their predecessors, and as
a result are natural weavers of the Tao. Being fresh and in the
"now" of their lives, they are less invested in the prevailing
systems. Because they have no real claim in these systems, they
have a tendency to see through its shortcomings and deceptions.
They are motivated by a need to live authentically and discover
their place in the world-community.
So what are we afraid of? Often we say we are afraid of what they
will do to themselves. However, through my work with teens and their
communities, I find that adults are often just as afraid of what
this teen energy brings up for them. Too many adults shut themselves
off from their teenagers, thus shutting themselves off from their
own teen energy within themselves. For those of us who haven't been
able to open up to this time in our own lives, we find ourselves
unsure and uncomfortable with this intensity. Too often everyone
(including the teen) just wants to get through this time and on
into the adult years. I am in agreement with Robert Bly, Michael
Meade, and Christina Groff (to name a few) who believe we are hurting
because we are shut off from our own teen psyche. How can we open
up to this energy when we have become blind to our own? Too many
suffer because they go throughout their life shut off from this
vital energy.
A teen client of mine had a father who could not live outside the
rules he set up for his children. What might have worked for my
client when he was eight (a point system, where they were sent to
their rooms if they broke any rules), no longer worked for a boy
of sixteen who was coming of age. His father, who was unwilling
to open up to his son as a teenager, instead estranged him, and
has now left a large gap between them. This is not to say that teens
don't need guidance and support. They need it in abundance. But
they need guidance and support that comes from a place of flexibility,
spaciousness, and receptivity. We should show up for our teens in
a mutual place of tension, wisdom, and vulnerability, rather than
with a inflexible approach that leaves no room for the teen's input.
All teenage energy, regardless of the form it takes, is an expression
of a hope to find a meaningful place in the world. Their natural
and strong "unease" to find their place in the cosmos
is the Tao pursing through them. When teens are allowed to open
up to this Tao, they realize that this tension is where they are
suppose to be. They realize that most everything is in a state of
unresolved and creative friction. Teens bring with them a natural
curiosity for everything. When not denied or threatened, this curiosity
flows out from the teenager, creating that necessary tension and
creativity that propels them into their adult years, and all of
us into the next generation. Instead of teaching our teens to "fit
in," we need to help them "find themselves." We need
to have less emphasis on rules and more on boundaries. While rules
are about conformity, boundaries are about respecting our place
in the world and community.
So, I believe that foremost, the Zen of Teen is about not having
an inflexible stake in the existing system, and allowing the natural
teen force that can wake it and us up, that can keep the system
and individuals alive! This is because teens haven't yet established
habitual patterns that are entrenched and difficult to break. They
are the change we need as families and communities. This very energy
was respected in the ancient cultures as something to listen to
and interact with directly. You will not find an ancient culture
that did not hold Coming of Age Ceremonies. These ceremonies they
understood as benefiting both the youth and the community. A youth
who is acknowledged by their community as valuable and is welcomed
into the community, is much more likely to add to the quality of
that community. Our teens too often feel estranged by the very community
in which they live.
Another characteristic of the Zen of Teen is the teen's authenticity.
Teens are effortlessly authentic. As Shunryu Suzuki explains in
Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, "Without any intentional, fancy
way of adjusting yourself, to express yourself as you are is the
most important thing." When allowed, teens are more routinely
expressing their authentic selves. This authentic self is not something
we go in search of, but something which is within us all the time.
Teens can make us uptight when we are in denial of our own teen
psyche or of our own True Natures. Their intensity bumps up against
our ego's defenses and we react. Instead of being vulnerable to
this vital energy, the Tao, we protect ourselves against it. And,
as we know, the Tao cannot be controlled.
Just because teen energy has a way of igniting our adult ego defenses
(because we defend our habits and our systems), this does not mean
that the teen is expressing ego. At these times, it is quite likely
that the teen is actually expressing his or her authentic nature,
and it is generating an experience of discomfort for us. There are
many times I've sat unsure and uncomfortable in a conversation with
a teenager. Yet, when I open myself up to the Zen of Teen, becoming
vulnerable and spacious to this energy, I find we both travel to
a place we both get to hang out in together. So, the Zen of Teen
is ultimately something we invite to move us to a more authentic
place.
Finally, another aspect of this Zen of Teen is the elemental expression
of transiency that teens express. Everything is constantly changing.
Teens are a dynamic expression of this natural law, and, as with
all the dynamics of the Zen of Teen, a reminder to the rest of us
of how we too must evolve. We too are changing, growing, moving,
and would benefit greatly from daily reminders of being with this
dynamic reality, in whatever form it takes. This principle often
means we need to be with other's suffering, which can come in many
forms during the teen years. When teens are robbed of their own
Zen qualities, they suffer from anorexia, depression, panic attacks,
harmful acts, drug and alcohol abuse, and obsession with perfection.
They are then "out" of the Tao that flows naturally through
everything. And, they are reacting to a community environment which
has not likely been responsive to their intensity. Teens will find
a way to express their intensity it is the community's responsibility
to offer many containers and alternative uses for this intense energy.
We are constantly bumping up against this teen energy, which is
a "treasure," but instead of being transformed by it,
we are often wounded by our own blindness.... "Ordinary people
caught in bondage are unaware and do not know, like blind children
of a rich family, sitting in a storehouse of treasures without seeing
any of them, just bumping into them when they move and thus being
wounded by the treasures" Chih-I (538-597). We suffer
as individuals, and in our overall communities, when we shut ourselves
off from our teenagers. When we truly open up to our youth and their
intensity, and to our own teen psyche, we are expressing a fundamental
practice of compassion, and a fundamental practice of our basic
humanity.
Julie Tallard Johnson is the author of "The Thundering
Years: Rituals and Sacred Wisdom for Teens" (see p. 67 to order)
and "I Ching for Teens." She has a new release coming
out this December titled, "Teen Psychic: Exploring Your Intuitive
Spiritual Powers." Julie counsels teens and adults and offers
workshops on Intuitive Empowerment, Opening Up To The Teen Psyche,
The Unleashed Writer (Creative Writing), and the practice of Meditation.
She can be reached at (608) 963-0724 or via email at: Jewelhrt8@aol.com.
Opening Ourselves to Teen Energy
What can we do differently? Mostly, we need to be receptive, like
the Earth is to us, and open ourselves up so that we can be with
teen energy, recognizing it for the value it contains. This will
likely be a gradual awakening, or what I like to call an organic
revolution. Most organic processes happen in a multitude of small
steps and then we find ourselves changed and somehow revolutionized.
The Zen of Teen can be invited back into our lives and communities
through:
- being willing to open up to this energy within ourselves and
those around us everyday;
- creating places for our teens special areas in our bookstores,
Teen centers, meditation and yoga classes just for teens, drop-in
centers, Nature retreats for teens;
- mentoring programs that are well established and easily accessible
to teens and the mentors, each of us being a mentor to a youth;
- offering coming of age rituals and groups for older teenagers;
- inviting more teens on local and national boards there needs
to be a place available for teens on every board (remembering
they are the future);
- offering more alternative education for those who have difficulty
in the traditional school systems;
- teen articles in local and national papers and magazines, written
by teens;
- gradually separating competitive sports from our high schools,
having competitive sports be community-based and sponsored.
|